I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
