i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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