In the future we'll all be gay
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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