No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
