Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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