I smell stomach acid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
