Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
