After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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