Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I intend to get homeless drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
