the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
