I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
