My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
