I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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