i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
