am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.