Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation