She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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