I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style