i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.