TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
