Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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