All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
