no, he came in my armpit
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
