i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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