oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
