my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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