I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's like iHOP with fire
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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