I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
