i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
