It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
