Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
