and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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