That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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