I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
