toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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