just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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