either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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