OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you would pick up someone in the library
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
