I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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