I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize