4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
