after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize