It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
