Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
