So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize