just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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