forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
