i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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