So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
