i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
