everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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