1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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