Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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