He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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