dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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