So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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