i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
