we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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