(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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