I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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