My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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