I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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