She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
