her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
