Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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