Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
